I have never felt so defeated in my life.



“Focus on what people do, rather than what they say.”
“Focus on what people do, rather than what they say.”
“Focus on what people do, rather than what they say.”

Rinse, and repeat.

Rinse, and repeat.


2017-04-12 I am.

I am
Tawdry, because that’s the way I like my bangles.
Radically invested in that which is unknown, questionable, and off the beaten path,
Always too excited, too hopeful, and truth be told, I like that,
Searching for answers in conversations, interactions, body language, and silence,
Holding on tightly to the idea that intrinsic goodness exists.

I am
Tediously living this mundane cycle so I can break and peak,
Recognizing the longevity and love are not one in the same,
Inspiring myself to seek inspiration.
Viscous, sour, like salt and lime, but I won’t speak it.
Invested in celebration, in your happiness, and sometimes mine,
Afraid to lose, but I’m learning,
Learning to lose.

I am
urned on by what would never fly by light day,
Often distracted by intrigue,
Xynolithed by uninterrupted chaotic thoughts to battle,
In need of the goodness I used to know, so I’ll actively seek,
Chasing myself so I can recreate and rebuild.

I am.
What else can I be?


Lately, I’ve been thinking about those nights
During summer, where the nights were warm,
And early dawn lined us with chill and dew.
I’d open my eyes, watching the morning
Slowly glow through the barrier of a yellow tent.
Raindrops echoing, creating a warm hollow space of sound.
Rolling over, the smell of bonfire escapes from our hair,
And together we lay in mildew sleeping bags,
Heavy sighs of sleep protected by the echo
Of rain on our tent.
Until, of course, you awoke,
And I became a stranger.

Never Good Enough

Not the first to be selected, but maybe not the last,
Everyone needs a place holder until the time does pass.
Vivacious, loving, and maybe too much fun,
Eloquent conversation, that’s how it’s always begun.
Ready, waiting, for your shadow to run.

Getting there is easy, staying there is harder.
One can’t be alone, and I have company to barter.
Obviously there’s no expectations, I’ve learned they won’t do much,
Don’t hesitate. It’s fine! I make an excellent crutch.

Eventually, you’ll find your shine, the reason that you breathe,
Narrowing your way out slowly, I’ll sit quietly as you leave,
Out the door and down the street, and from the window I’ll wave,
Understanding that this course is meant for women who misbehave.
Good enough for now, I’ll be, and that’s how it always has been.
Harboring this place in life, so others are able to win.